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Raising Teens Is Hard. Lisa Damour Has Some Answers.

As the mother of two daughters, ages 12 and 19, Dr. Damour knows first hand that parenting is hard and sometimes scary. And that has been especially true over the last few years, as the mental health of children, particularly teenage girls, has suffered.

But a reassuring thread runs through Dr. Damour’s work: You’ve got this, it seems to say. “Mental health is not about feeling good,” she writes in “The Emotional Lives of Teenagers.” “Instead, it’s about having the right feelings at the right time and being able to manage those feelings effectively.”

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Teens Are Struggling Right Now. What Can Parents Do?

For over 25 years, the psychologist Lisa Damour has been helping teens and their families navigate adolescence in her clinical practice, in her research and in best-selling books like “Untangled: Guiding Teenage Girls Through the Seven Transitions Into Adulthood.”

This moment in time, she says, is like no other.

According to a report released last week by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, 42 percent of U.S. high schoolers experienced persistent feelings of sadness or hopelessness in 2021, while 22 percent seriously considered attempting suicide. Adolescent girls, as well as lesbian, gay and bisexual youth, are struggling the most, but boys and teens in every racial and ethnic group also reported worsening symptoms.

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The Parallel Process

For many parents of troubled teenagers, a therapeutic program that takes the child from the home for a period of time offers some respite from the daily tumult of acting out, lies, and tension that has left the family under siege. However, just as the teenager is embarking on a journey of self-discovery, skill-development, and emotional maturation, so parents too need to use this time to recognize that their own patterns may have contributed to their family's downward spiral. 

Help Your Teenager Beat an Eating Disorder

James Lock, MD, PhD, is Professor of Child Psychiatry and Pediatrics at Stanford University and Director of the Stanford Child and Adolescent Eating Disorders Program. Dr. Lock has received numerous awards for his research on eating disorders and has published several books for professionals in collaboration with Daniel Le Grange. He is committed to providing evidence-based treatments to children, adolescents, and their families.

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